My drug of choice is writing––writing, art, reading, inspiration, books, creativity, process, craft, blogging, grammar, linguistics, and did I mention writing?

Monday, January 13, 2014


Let me tell you the story of the little engine that could--
or that probably could have if it hadn't had a one month old living in the house.
I'm actually glad today happened.  I'm even glad for the timing.

Just so cute!
I have a little note pad program on my MacAir called "Notes."  It even looks like a Notepad--isn't it totes adorbz? I use it to figure out what I'm (probably) going to be writing about in the coming days. That way, while I'm writing one article, I sort of think about all the stellar jokes that I'll be writing into the next. Plus it keeps me from that blind panic of feeling like I have absolutely no fucking idea in the damned world what the hell I'm doing--which is mostly true, but I don't like feeling it.

Tuesday my little article projection said that I would be thinking up the update schedule for the spring semester. Every time my schedule undergoes major change, I make sure that the current update schedule is plausible or if I'll end up in a fetal position by week two in a scalding shower whispering "it thrusts its hands against the posts but still it insists it sees the lotion in the basket." All things being equal, though, I'm sort of glad everything exploded this morning.

Oh don't I WISH that was a metaphor.

Sometimes I tweak things on the fly.

You see today I woke with a brisk spring in my step. Last week, I somehow managed to write an article for both Grounded Parents and Ace of Geeks without ever having a psychotic break and telling everyone who loves me that "I just need some fucking MEEEEEEEE TIIIIIIIIIIME!!!"and then finding a door to slam as hard as I could--even if I had to run upstairs to the guest bedroom since it slams the best.

I hopped out of bed, ready to rock. I was going to write the shit out of everything. I was going to write the shit out of today's post, then write the shit out of one of the other blog's next articles, then write the shit out of some fiction. Some days it's like your imagination just spent the whole night listening to "Eye of the Tiger" or something.

But then I got derailed.  Immediately. Badly. Irrevocably.

Details are not important.  You need only know that the new world order in this house played a pivotal role and there may or may not have been any of the following: a screaming cry to the heavens for saltines and sprite, a sick mom, an explosive "diaper incident" that shook my faith that "anything" can be cleaned with a baby wipe, Night on Bald Mountain playing when we tried to put the baby down for a nap, four hours of walking because The Contrarian was replying to every postulate that he was finally asleep with "I AM NOT!" or a trip to Costco that took three and a half hours even though I didn't even go through the DVD section or try to hit on the chick that gives out the samples of cheese soup.

But it did convince me that I might want to be a little more pragmatic about scheduling. If this had not happened, I may have made my schedule tomorrow with just a little too much optimism and lack of concern for how much effect baby can have on my ability to write whenever I choose.

In fact, if there are any Samurai Time Travelers out there who are living in a horrible post-apocalyptic war zone of horrors and who identify the haphazard update schedule of Writing About Writing as being the crucial turning point in the fall of the resistance, you need to come back to 10:00 this morning and undo the derailment of today. I will never reconsider my decision to update like mad. I will go into writing it tomorrow having never had my stark optimism crushed by a five week old's poop. Admiral Akbar would never have uttered the immortal phrase: "The lining of this diaper can't repel blowout of this magnitude." We wouldn't have spent thirty minutes just changing him and an hour just getting out the house to go to Costco, and I never would have doubted my entire ability to update with measured predictability.

Save the onesie, save the world.


  1. I am looking forward to Friday in a big, big way. I tell you this because it took entirely too much of my willpower not to throw caution and sanity to the wind and just wade into the comment section there with both fists and pick her up by her stupid face and spin her around the top of my head like Hulk Hogan vs. Yoko Ono.
    That's actually a terrible analogy because I love Yoko Ono and I don't really like Hulk Hogan. But nonetheless, I wanted to trounce her just based on her horrible attitude and atrocious "I MUST LINK YOU WHY YOU'RE DUMB" comments, when a one-sentence reply would have been sufficient if she would just stop reading so much into what other people were thinking in their thinky thoughts.

    Sorry, hit the wall. More caffeine or more nap?
    We both know the answer. Caffeine.

    1. At some point between now and Friday, I might decide to answer some grammar questions or something instead.

      But I'm glad I wasn't alone. :-p If I could reply on Blogger with images, I would reply to this with a giant picture of a Facebook thumbs up.

  2. I tried to create a user name/profile so I could comment on your Grounded Parents article (which was awesome, BTW) since I have a very similar story. I am a science lover but wanted to give birth in a natural (not hospital) environment. It didn't work out that way but it worked out in a way that I felt like I could thank my mid-wives and not blame them. And in part, this was due to having midwife professionals that supported my wishes until it was time to use the science/medicine for what it should be for; to enable a woman to give birth without anyone dying. 100 years ago, shit maybe even 75 years ago, I would have died two different times. I wouldn't have even made it past the first trimester without medicine to treat my hyperemesis gravidarium. Thank science for IV fluids and anti-emetic drugs, even if I was still nauseous at the 8th month, at least I could eat and drink.

    1. Yay (for science and your birth story being full of health!)

      Thank you very much.