Quick Personal Update/Cancer Update-
My therapist pointed out that I'm only two months from major and super invasive surgery, and that I'm probably expecting recovery to go a little faster than it should. After last week's setback, I haven't really stopped stumbling. Like when you trip running down a hill and you try to run, but instead of righting yourself, you feel MORE like you're going to fall. There was some relief finding out that I wouldn't have to have chemotherapy, but the chronic condition of Lynch syndrome is setting in, then my mother ended up in the hospital herself with a heart attack, the household I live in had another call to quarantine the small children, and I completely dropped the ball on a number of social and medical obligations. I'm under a lot of interpersonal stress these days, and struggling find my way through a dozen minor issues.
I know I'm not supposed to be hard on myself, but I'm a crowdfunded content creator. I'm caught between feeling really frustrated that I still don't seem to be able to concentrate the way I used to, that patrons have already been more than patient for two months, that I'm not writing the volumes I "should" be given that I physically feel better, and the fact that I know that is a little too ambitious, recovery isn't linear, my mental and emotional health were also shattered, and I need to chill the fuck out treat myself the same way I would literally anyone else in my position.
Weekly Schedule Adjustments-
I'm still trying to get back up to the regular schedule. Actually, I'm kind of glad that so many of my standing articles need a 2022 freshening. It's giving me the chance to kind of focus on Patrons behind the scenes, and tackle something both a little lower key but also that I would normally take months to finish because I would worry it was taking away from "real" posts.
The time is there. I can see it. I just need to come back online enough to start writing the amount I want to be.
Behind the Scenes-
Okay seriously the newsletter this week.