My drug of choice is writing--writing, art, reading, inspiration, books, creativity, process, craft, blogging, grammar, linguistics, and did I mention writing?

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Facebook Commenting Policy

Well....it finally happened.

My "can't even" about the comments on my Facebook page went from figurative to literal.

At just shy of a quarter of a million people (ETA: half a million now), gentle reminders have stopped working, admin-ing comments has become virtually impossible, and my patience for unacceptable behavior is exhausted. Too many people ordering a double helping of savage without even a side order of chill.

Thus, the time has come for an official commenting policy so that folks won't be making their best I-just-ripped-this-guy's-helmet-off-and-it-turned-out-to-be-Robert-The-Bruce-Mel-Gibson-as-William-Wallace-during-the-battle-of-Falkirk betrayed faces when I ban their asses.

Here's the TL;DR part for those of you who don't want to have to read very much:

If you are abusive or contemptuous, use bigoted slurs, are dismissive or derisive about posts that would be commonly labeled as "social justice,", promise to (or threaten to) flounce, or post spam links to either your own writing or a commercial site you may be banned without warning*. 

Now here's the nuance if you want to understand it a little better:

Itty bitty point 1- If risqué language will make you blush, buckle up or do a tuck and roll dive out the passenger side. This shit's not going to fucking stop and I'll fucking ignore the fucking comments and PM's demanding it fucking does. Golly.

Itty bitty point 2- I care about you and I care about you achieving your goals. What am I if not a supportive, but occasionally firm cheerleader? If you flounce, I'll help you stick to it because I know that's what you would want. If you tell me you're going to flounce, but don't seem to be able to find the door, I'll make sure you know right where it is. If you threaten to flounce in a spectacle, I'll make the decision much, much easier for you. I'm here for you, pal.

Tiny point- No, I'm not going to stop posting links to my blog. Ever. At least twice a day (sometimes three). That's the reason this page is here–to try to drum up a few hits and build an audience. And given my traffic analytics, it's not really worth the effort, but it's better than nothing. You don't ever have to visit the blog if you want to just enjoy the puns and the inspiration memes and whatever I find about writing that tickles my brain, but the snotty e-mails and whiny tears telling me that my page would be "so great if you just stopped all that self promotion" will be used to fuel my Genesis device.

Small point- I'm up to thirty or forty PM's a day. (Deplorably, none are solicitations for groupie threesomes! I mean why did I even want to be a writer again?) Most are spam or asking me for some kind of free editing or beta reading or to share their own page something. So I don't even reply to the majority of them. My freelance/tutoring rate is $50USD/hr and TRUST ME that you don't want me doing copy editing (though I'm pretty good at content/developmental end). If your solicitation for help does not include some indication that you plan to pay me or do me a comparable service, I will simply ignore it. (I get way way way too many of those every day.)

Also if you PM me, please keep in mind that I'm just a person. I listen to Hamilton, watch Jessica Jones, play Fallout 4, love Robert Asprin books despite myself, can't tell when someone's flirting with me, and try to write every day. I wear big shirts because I'm self conscious about the tight ones, worry about getting enough exercise with a sedentary passion, and have a bad next-day if I eat too much pizza. Messages demanding I do X immediately or take down Y post because you didn't like it or "HOW COULD YOU..." will be cheerfully ignored. Add in some schoolyard shit talk to this kind of bullshit, and I will do my best Strong Bad "DELETED!" as I ban you.

Medium point- As of this writing, there are almost a quarter million of you and one of me. I often max out the 99 notifications for this page in less than five minutes. I cannot POSSIBLY keep up with all the comments even if maintaining FB were my only job (it's not). Furthermore, what was once a playful community with the occasional legit jerkwad has become more and more like the bottom half of the internet. Which means three things pragmatically:

ONE: if someone is being a complete ass in the comments, send me a link through PM, and I'll decide what to do. (Ban them. Warn them. Rickroll them. Whatever.) But I miss 90+% of what's going on in the comments, so don't count on me to step in if you haven't notified me–I probably don't even know it's happening.

TWO: if you want me to see (and especially if you want me to respond) to a comment, you should make it on a recent post and use your best reading comprehension before replying. I've ignored a lot of comments lately that either missed the point or clearly hadn't read the entire piece they were responding to. It's not personal; it's just a time thing. If you really want me to reply, send a PM. Just remember that whole "human" thing if you tread that path or I will make 27 year old pop culture references at you by saying, "You chose.......poorly."

THREE: I don't have time to gently warn everyone. ("Now now. Let's not be epic shitheels. There's a human being with feelings on the other end of your apoplectic abuse.") I'm assuming you know how to be a decent person. If I see bad faith behavior, I'll just start swinging the ol' Ban Hammer™Mjölnir [I call it M.J. cause we're THAT close.] You should know better than to behave that way (and you WOULD know better in any space that wasn't online). My warnings are reserved for folks who maybe didn't know they were on thin ice.

Large point- This is my page. It's free content for you delivered straight to your computer on an average of 12 times a day (depending on the FB algorithm). This free content you enjoy takes me somewhere between 30 minutes to 90 minutes a day of unpaid labor. I'm going to post what I want. I'm going to post what I find fascinating. What I find interesting. What I find funny. What I find engaging.

And I'm going to post my blog even though it occasionally dips into the socio-political.

I welcome suggestions. I welcome dialogue. I welcome discourse. I welcome concerns. I welcome criticism. (You might have to PM me to get my attention since there are so many of you, but I still welcome this stuff.) I will be especially receptive to the concerns that something I've posted has inadvertently engaged in some sort of institutional harm. However, if you comment (or PM for that matter) like you're entitled to have MY page be whatever you want in the same way you might scream at the Spokane McDonalds night shift manager because there isn't lobster thermidor on the menu, I can promise you that the conversation will go one of two ways: If you're just being boorish and demanding without regard for the fact that I'm not a robot in a skin suit sent from Khyron Beta Prime to please your every whim, I'll ignore while singing old Starship songs. ("And we can BUILD this dream together...") If you're being abusive, I'll ban you. There are a QUARTER OF A MILLION of you. Even if I had an interest in keeping everyone happy, I couldn't. So I'll be true to myself, and if that bothers you SO. FUCKING. MUCH. that you can't give the ol' scroll wheel finger a quick workout, then you get to talk to me like I'm a sensitive artist and shit. Because I am a delicate fucking creative flower. Goddamnit.

Add to an above demand a threat to flounce if I keep doing what you don't like, and I will just assume that I should show you the door.

If, on the other hand, you're just going to feel jilted if this page isn't exactly what you want to see all the time, you should feel absolutely free to spend the next four years posting 10-15 pieces of content every day about once an hour to build up your own audience, and then you can make that page whatever you want. No promises that I won't stop by and complain though. Just for funsies.

This goes just as well if I post a joke you don't "like." I care (deeply) if I've inadvertently dehumanized a group of people. I don't care that some didn't get the joke or didn't find it funny. And trying to guilt me by telling me there are children or second language learners who might take it seriously won't really get much traction either since children shouldn't be here and I'm not billing myself as an educational site. Learning to navigate a world in which some written rhetoric involves satire, irony, or sarcasm is part of the cost of business in English, and my job on this site isn't to act as those filters for others.

Again, if something bothers you that much, drop me a PM and let's chat. But there's a "catch." If you want to get a message back: you have to treat me like a human with feelings. Last I checked, the cybernetic brain overlay had yet to take.

Beyond Hella Huge Point (about social justice)- 

Every goddamned time I post an article or meme or anything that deigns to intersect with how writing and writers affect social issues, how language reflects societal prejudice, or the narratives through which we define our world that could use scrutiny, and (very) occasionally even the harm which specific politicians could create a new gaggle of jerkwads end up being shown the door.

It's not that they disagree. Disagreement I can handle. The comments all over this page are filled with disagreement–we're definitely no echo chamber. The problem is they either decide to react in the most dismissive and derisive way possible ("This is SJW crap!") in which case this page is not for them, and I don't want to have to deal with them post after post, or they outright lose their composure and abusively attack other members or me for taking the time and energy to attempt to explain the frame of an issue or share a personal perspective on a topic. If what essentially amounts to free tutoring is going to be shat on because you wanted to "win" an argument, have the last word, condescend to the suggestion that the world is unequal and our media might play a part in that, or treat people like crap for sharing an opinion that challenges the status quo, Writing About Writing is not for you.

There is a one-to-one echo that exists within this reaction that I am pretty sensitive to: abusers gas lighting their victims. Instead of taking a moment to consider why someone is upset, that they are accurately able to assess their own mental state, that they can be trusted to relay when they are feeling hurt, or that their life experience may be something worth listening to, often they are told they are being dramatic or ridiculous and dismissed outright. Their feelings and even their actual experiences are invalidated. We see this in a relationship and it raises our hackles (hopefully), but when a group in social power (like men) do it to a group they have social power over (like women or gender variant folks) on a massive scale, it is considered perfectly normal behavior. And it can even cause the people who are constantly being dismissed and derided to question their own perceptions of reality.

(I think abuse and oppression have a number of shocking parallels, but maybe a post for another time.)

Let me be blunt about this. Y'all are writers, and this is a page about writing. You ought to know better than anyone that words carry tremendous power...possibly even to invoke harm. Nobody ever silently went to war or committed genocide without words first fueling them. No one ever articulated a justification for racism or sexism that caused people actual PHYSICAL HARM without using words to do so.

And if you sit on your couch every November 5th watching a dude in a Guy Fawkes mask bloviate between the fight scenes that, "Words offer the means to meaning," and then starts a revolution because the "truth and perspectives" of his words are bulletproof, and then you imagine yourself leading said glorious revolution with your own martial arts skill and throwing stilettos, yet you then turn right around and roll your eyes at those Social Justice Warriors being all "oversensitive" to  some slur you didn't mean "that way," you are DROWNING in the irony of social power dynamics and your own double standards.

I'm not going to have a conversation every single time I bring up an issue of social equality with folks who's main conceit seems to be: "writers should be able to write whatever they want." You already CAN write whatever you want. You can write your sausage fest story with no people of color and one woman who constantly needs rescuing. Literally no one will stop you. And if you're in a situation where you can't write whatever you want (politically or socially), it's certainly not upholding the status quo that is what you're not "allowed" to write. Further writers often do write whatever they want no matter how harmful or objectionable. Rarely are their careers even impacted and occasionally that's what launches them. If these writers stay off the pages that criticize them, they don't even have to have their feelings hurt. So if you're going to react with hyperbole and loss of composure to anyone asking you to consider how and what you write....on a blog about writing, Writing About Writing is not for you.


Do you know what I hear Danny? Nothing. No footsteps up the stairs, no hovercraft outside the window, no clickeyty-click of the little spiders. Do you know why I can't hear those things Danny? Because right now, no one is stopping you from saying whatever you want. I'm not a government agent. This isn't a public park. You have conflated freedom of speech with entitlement of medium. You've mistaken a governmentally protected freedom with the absence of consequence. (But for ten bonus points, see if you can identify the irony in trying to silence criticism by invoking your "free speech" ad nauseum.) And your little guilt trip, complete with a high school comprehension of the word "Orwellian," is not going to prevent me from moderating comments in my own space. This isn't even a social justice activism page. I'm going pretty easy on you comparatively. I don't expect you to be fully intersectional (or even to know what that means).

If you want to drop some hateful commentary, share my article in your own space with commentary.

Frankly, I'd rather have a smaller following where those who normally run screaming from the comments sections on most of the internet feel comfortable participating in the conversation, than a large following where the Status Quo Warriors speak over and run roughshod over anyone who has the temerity to suggest that maybe arts and humanities do something wacky like affect social perceptions, that representation matters, and that once in a while we might ought to think about such things. The whole damned world will let the people in power decide what is ridiculous to care about (spoiler: it's always going to be anything that challenges their power in any way). Here I want an actually diverse conversation, not just more and louder hostile dismissiveness reinforcing the status quo that actively silences such voices.

I care about how to question whether those narratives are reinforcing institutional harm. I care about how much of the writing that exists (even wildly popular writing) often reinforces harmful status quos like racism, sexism, heteronormativity, transphobia, and more–things are engrained in many of our narrative tropes or through our lack of or type of representation.  If you want me to be vapid about the impact of writing and stick to linguistic prescriptivism that makes fun of legitimate English dialects (often in a vaguely racist and definitely classist way) or those who struggle to get the right homonym, drops the same dozen articles (and their knock offs) over and over on how to publish your novel/find an agent/write a query letter, and never really asks you to think hard thoughts about how powerful writing is in creating the stories shape our culture, Writing About Writing is not for you.
Because maybe....JUST MAYBE, arts and humanities affect social perceptions and that's worth examining once in a while...

If we can't at least consider and think about these things, we're just telling the same stories over and over again, not really exploring new ones.

In case that was too gentle, let me be absolutely clear about this: If your reply is nothing more than "This is PC bullshit!" or "This is crap. You're the real sexist!" or "Shut the fuck up with this pandering crap!" (or any of the thousands of variations on this theme I've heard over the years) and certainly if you use bigoted slurs or double down on your "right" to be sexist, misogynistic, racist, transphobic, homophobic, ableist, or fatphobic after you've been asked to stop, I will use my admin tools to show you the door.

Don't worry. The other quarter million of us will carry on without you.

You don't have to agree with me. You DO have to play nice in my playground.

*Once upon a time when I was getting such comments once a month, and before loved ones had cancer and before there was a three year old in the picture and before I needed to write a novel in a year lest I be flayed alive by my Kickstarter backers, I had the time to warn and explain the problem gently with each person in an exhausting choreographed dance (that lead to a banning or a flounce 99% of the time anyway); however, I do not have the time or energy to continue to do this. I will simply protect this community and its diversity from that status quo warrior bullshit.


Guest posts: I'll leave up anything (even if I don't fully understand it) unless it is to a commercial site or it is self-promotion. The former will be removed and the poster banned. The latter will be removed (and if it keeps happening the poster will be banned). If you want to promote something on my page, message me. Whether or not I say yes will depend on how much it has to do with writing. Basically I'm not going to let people spam my readers.

Pedantry: Knock yourself out, (lord knows I could use the help) but keep in mind the other rules before you decide that what your grammar fix needs is to be slathered in the gravy of bumptious superiority. I'll fix it if I can. The more obnoxious and condescending you get about it, though, the more I'm going to look at that ban button like Sylvester looks at Tweety.

Links in comments: If they're not relevant, I'll erase the comment. If it keeps happening I'll swing The Ban Hammer™

Attribution: I get macros from all over the intersphereweboverse. Pinterest. Other pages. Friends share things they find with me. Even Tumblr. Original attribution can be incredibly hard to find after things have been through multiple layers of reposting(even with things like reverse search images, which add enough annoyance and time sink to an already thankless labor of love to make it not worth it). As a content creator myself though, I know how much it sucks to watch something you made go viral for someone else.  If I've posted something that belongs to you or someone you know, just let me know and I'll edit the link and repost with the attribution (or just take it down or whatever you'd like to handle the situation). Unfortunately, there are some people will try to claim credit for something they didn't make, so I'll be looking for some small indication of actual sourceage. (Usually that's a trivial matter for a content creator of linking the original post.)

Arguing with macros in the comments (especially the "You should be writing" ones): Uh...whatever cooks your churro, boss. You do you.

Poll Nominations: If you don't go to the blog webpage and make your nomination a comment, it won't end up on the poll. If you just want the people of FB to know you liked the book, keep on keeping on.

Shitty comments: I only ban people if they're being bigots or extremely harmful. But if you've decided to be particularly shitty, I might hide your comment so that only you and your friends can see it.


  1. I like your content but your obsession with threesomes is creepy and gross.

    1. That's fair. I write through a persona and it's an ongoing joke that there ARE no threesomes because writing isn't actually very glamorous, but I can see how it doesn't land perfectly for everyone.

    2. I'll totally have a threesome with you

    3. Well, I'm not up for a threesome anyway, but I find it amusing every time you bring it up.

  2. Very well said. I had to C&P this sentence for the folks in the back, because it's gold-plated genius: "You have conflated freedom of speech with entitlement of medium."
    Keep on keeping on!

    1. One of my favorites. Unfortunately, it has too many big words and literacy for most of the people who need to read it.

    2. "You thought the right to say what you want was the same as the right to publish it wherever you want, but they are not the same." Definitely less elegant and punchy this way, though.

  3. You won me at the Strongbad reference! Well played.

  4. How did you get 250k followers?? Tell me your secret and there might even be a threesome in it for you. For the record, not flirting. That is what one might call "cheeky" :)

    1. I don't really have a secret. I put up a meme, macro, article, pun or something pretty much once an hour for four years.

  5. My wife sent this to me in Messenger. I write song lyrics but that's about it. This was awesome!!! Thanks for the good read. I loved it.

  6. My wife sent this to me in Messenger. I write song lyrics but that's about it. This was awesome!!! Thanks for the good read. I loved it.

  7. "Well done, sir!" First guffaws I've had in years.

  8. I appreciate your open blog and sense of humor. I'm not up to doing the writing yet, but you've built my courage and helped me free write...which means I'm beginning. Building courage and having an idea good enough to chew on are always challenges Keep doing what you're doing. A few phuquing bad words won't bother me a bit. On bigotry, hate, and grossness...I agree with you! No one should have the right to abuse others under guise of having an opinion. Hate speech is never privileged.

  9. Keeping within the boundaries of common decency, I think it very rrasonable that your page = your rules.
    Your freedom to speak does not impose an obligation on anyone else to listen, but by the same token, anyone else's freedom to read/listen to what you say does not impose an obligation on you to arrange your content to please anyone/ everyone else.
    But Starship songs? That's a bit sad. X

  10. Best thing I've read today!

  11. So appreciate your sentiments!
    Feeling like you've spoken for me...but in 4 years or so when I hope to have 1/4 Mil followers lol

  12. Hang on. I've been a writer since roughly 20 minutes after the necessary brain structures formed during child development. Therefore, I get it: I was five and so it wasn't appropriate to invite me to threesomes. But I'm 48 now. WHERE DO I FIND THE SIGNUP SHEET?!

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