Sci Guy: Luck had nothing to do with it. I made sure Chris had no internet.
Chris: You sabotaged Chris's internet?
Sci Guy: Look the guy thinks his ethernet is a mesh for gathering the upper air so there's enough pressure behind the data stream to–and understand now that I am directly quoting him– "pump it through the intertubes." It's not really that hard to shut him down and make it look like an accident.
Chris: Damn. That's good thinking. I definitely need to give you a raise. From now on it's two fast food coupons every other week for you!
Sci Guy: Great. I'll be able to get hash browns and a drink.....bimonthly.
Chris: I might have some Bed Bath and Beyond gift certificates.
Sci Guy: Oh good, I worry about thread count a lot.
Chris: Okay well....I'll look into getting you some actual money. Incidentally, I trust that massive unlicenced hadron collider you're obviously building over there has nothing to do with trying to re-rip the time space continuum in violation of interdimensional law so that you can poke around parallel universes and find a timeline where the woman who kissed you exactly once before she died is still alive, kidnap her from whatever life she's had there in the last two years, and bring her here like some really fucked up comic book villain who does a bunch of evil shit because he can't get his dick wet, and that your relative inefficiency in tracking down an IP address of someone who keeps shitposting in our name has nothing to do with such a "nice guy" quest.
Sci Guy: You know....fast food coupons will be good....now that I think about it.
Chris: We really have to stop this clown.
Sci Guy: I keep telling you it's someone from upstairs. Main floor. It's not Evil Chris and it's not the Cheese guy and it's not anyone outside the Writing About Writing compound. Literally all you have to do is install cameras or something. Or hire someone who doesn't knuckle under when the staff gets annoyed at being asked if it was them.
Chris: Okay, well I'm going to go somewhere else now because this conversation is damaging my squee. It's sloppy joes day in the cafeteria–Grendel and his mom do them really great. Keep your hardon out of the hadron okay?
Ninja eavesdrops from one of those parallel-alternate multiverses.
ReplyDelete"If that guy rips open a portal, I'm gonna have to kick his ass back to the paleozoic era," she says to her team of fellow superheroes. "They have a lot of potential over there. And the Science Dude knows his shit."
Peacekeeper rolls his eyes at his wife. "You're spying on other dimensions to avoid dealing with our twin hellions, aren't you?"
"Damn straight!"