I may WANT it to be my carrer, but we're not there yet.
Usually when I'm in a pissy mood, I run down the usual suspects. I make sure I'm getting enough sleep and I take care to eat some decent food. I get out and take a walk no matter how much I don't want to. Usually this does the trick. Our moods and even thoughts are more beholden to our physical reality than many of us would like to admit.
But these things weren't completely helping, and the feeling I was dealing with was the perception that I was completely overwhelmed. Life seemed to be crushing down on me like the post bug room in Temple of Doom. I love this blog, and I love doing this writing but it is a crazy amount of work and I think seeing my numbers sinking for a second straight month took some of the wind out of my sails. I think I know how Marvin felt when there was no Earth-shattering kaboom.
I can't even really say it disappointed me in an of itself because, like I mentioned yesterday, I knew it was coming, knew the causes, and was even still pretty stoked to see that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be and didn't affect my revenue. (I mean, I'm still getting 500+ readers a day and making twice as much as five months ago!) I think the better description of what happened is that the artificial inflation of enthusiasm I was experiencing in December and January finally got reappraised to a more realistic level. I came down from the bullshit high.
Blogging takes a lot of work, and of course almost everyone who starts one with the intention of getting an audience is hoping to see it grow. Somewhere back in the back of most writers' heads is the thought of their fandom and their incredibly successful career, and I'm no different. So when the numbers were just rocketing upwards, it was hard not to get caught up in it. Now I'm forced to look around at the tattered remnants of my social life and the kitchen that looks like a nuclear weapon detonated right about at the sink, and the fact that I'm writing perhaps a tenth of the amount of fiction I'd like to be, and even the growing stack of books in the "must read" pile (that I usually tear through faster than I can accumulate), and I have to admit that even though I'm loving blogging, it isn't fitting as well as I want it to in a larger mosaic of writing or my life.
But setbacks are part of writing. The question now is simply whether I'm going to crawl in a hole and lick my wounds touch my bloody nose, look at the blood, taste the blood, crack my neck and assume an even more ridiculous stance of corded muscles.
I choose the latter.
|Metaphorical me. Real me is just slightly less cut. Slightly.|
(Image credit: Warner Brothers--will remove upon request.)
I've also adjusted the update schedule so I'm not facing down big articles on days where I need to work both my other jobs. It's unlikely that any of you will really notice the difference because I don't think anybody but me actually pays any attention to my update schedule, but this is going to be the new schedule.
New Update Schedule (Probably of no interest to anyone but me)
Mon- Main Post
Tue- Guest Blog (or nothing if there is no guest blog)
Thur- Something light
Some of the "guest bloggers" with the quotes around them are probably the articles that will change the most. I'm not going to keep trying to do one every week on a rotating schedule.