My drug of choice is writing––writing, art, reading, inspiration, books, creativity, process, craft, blogging, grammar, linguistics, and did I mention writing?

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Reconstruction and Chad

[Construction tarp and scaffolding in background] 

*sound of hammer pounding*
*sound of power drill*

[Enter Chris]

"Hello everyone.

Welcome to Writing About Writing. I'm the writer, Chris, and I've got some great news."

*sound of power sander*

*cheesy grin* "As you can hear behind me, we're going though some big reconstruction, and we're going to roll out some really exciting changes to our update schedule in 2018.

*more hammering*

You might be wondering if we're going to get a new look too. (*belly laughs*) Would that we could. I wish we had the budget to match everything we're doing (*finger quotes*) 'under the hood' with a full new webpage layout revamp, but that might have to wait a couple more years to be affordable. In the meantime though, you'll notice the quality change right away."

*sound of power saw*

"What is changing? I'm so glad you asked. We've worked hard in conjunction with our over one hundred and twenty-five patrons to find out what aspects of this blog are favored and should be repeating during the week.

*shouting* "Pay attention to what you're doing, Chad."

*SCREAM* "Oh my god! OH. MY. GOD!!"


*glances sidelong; smile slips slightly* There are going to be a lot more mailboxes and good old fashioned advice. (*does an 'atta boy' fist pump across torso*) Plus we're going to bring out the ol' Social Justice Bard a bits more often. And a lot of people said they really liked our shenanigans. Though I have no idea when we're going to have time for that." 

"Is that your–?"

"Don't just leave it there. Pick it up."

"What am I supposed to do with it? Just carry it around."

"You put it on ice or something so they can reattach it!"

*looks back for half a second* Um. Also, we're going to start a monthly update rotation, so we can get in all the 'segments' here we....uh....don't want to neglect. And in a timely manner."

"Well we don't have ice. You used the cooler to hold that new form of pollywog you found."

"Use the mini-fridge then."

"What am I supposed to do, carry the whole mini-fridge? The thing is like eighty pounds. And as soon as I unplug it, it's just a big, eighty-pound, shitty thermos."

*smile growing plastic* In the next few days we're going to catch up on a lot of the menus and administrative posts we've been falling behind on. Ha ha! We know we've been more derelict in our duty than Poe Dameron's toxic masculinity. *looking slightly off camera* I thought we weren't doing that joke. No it's not WRONG, it's just....forced."

"Just do it!"

"Okay, but I'm going to have to take out some of this apple juice first? Do you want any apple juice?"

"Oh my literal fucking god!"

Listen it sounds like I maybe need to go. So here's the quick version. There are going to be a lot of small updates in the next few days as we catch up and prep for our big course change in the new year. Apologies in advance to folks on feeds or getting email updates. I really should probably see what happened. It'd be a shame if Chad cut off something other than his engorged sense of entitlement.

[Exit Chris–Camera goes to static]

No comments:

Post a Comment