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Monday, June 12, 2017

Awesome Cookie Wisdom

A collection of totally shit the best ever advice ever in small, bite-sized form.

Friday I saw a fortune cookie that said, "I can't fathom why, but I always think of this when starting writers go out searching for some advice that isn't 'write every day' like somewhere out there exists some magic advice that will circumvent treating their career aspirations with career-caliber effort."

And I mean...come on! That advice totally does exist, they just want to hide it from you. But me....I'll give it to you. You'll turbocharge your career faster than if you were a mediocre white dude with a rich dad. And since you seem to love fortune cookie wisdom, I'll give it to you in fortune cookie format. (I'm all about giving it to you how you want it.) These are better than fortune cookies, though. They're AWESOME cookies.

Buckle up and prepare to be awesomeated!

They tell you it's about quantity over quality, but all you really need is a solid rough draft and a good elevator pitch. You should be riding more elevators, not writing. RiDing. You need the D.

Don't worry about this "write every day" crap. Think of everyone you know who was really good at something. How often did they do it? More than once a week? Maybe once a month? I don't think so. 
Of course that established writer wants to hear your idea. They just don't know it yet. I mean, YOU want to hear your idea right? You're doing them a favor. Maybe they'll even split half the proceeds and write it for you. 


Don't practice. You're just using up your precious juju. One shot. One kill. That's how writing works. 

Revision isn't 'the beating heart of good writing.' That's baby talk! Talent is. You either slap something genius on the page in one shot, or you go home and have some Loser Flakes Cereal. Don't worry though. Talent can be stoked with expensive laptops, ergonomic chairs, and special pens. 


First person narrative and you need a description of the main character? Have them pass in front of a mirror.

Remember there has to be a reason to have that character in your story not be a cis het white dude. Otherwise you're just pandering and that's not a good story. Cis het white dude is the default person and everyone else requires a (non-pandering) reason to be represented as a member of humanity. You're not pandering to anyone at all if all your characters are cis het white dudes. Besides if you can't write them accurately, why bother to try. It's okay to put fifty hours of research into describing Roman cohort composition for a two paragraph scene, but don't you dare read up on a group in order to make a nuanced generous portrayal. Just make it a cis het white dude.


The world absolutely DOES need another chosen one story! Write it!

There's always another class or book on how to write you could be spending money on. If you love writing, you should be investing in it. 


Fuck baby steps. It's Hail Mary or go home.

Nanowrimo is just four short months away. Don't start writing now. Just think about your story a lot so you can write the whole thing in a month.

Practice is for people who haven't reached their pinnacle of skill. Which clearly you have. Never doubt yourself. Never doubt your own inability to get any better.

1 comment:

  1. Love this! Fits with Dr. Carol Dweck (Of whom I'm an unabashed fan) If the thoughts that I need talent more than practice start chattering in my head, I go and watch one of Dr. Dweck's Ted Talks. (Or read WAW)

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